Have the time to sit down now, quietly think. The tiredness that just stacks up is making me... Argh~ more than just tired. So many weird things happened these past few days... A little bad sprinkled here and there, mostly good~
Thought i found a stable relationship. Well guess i was wrong. Played out by my own fantasies again but at the very least, i'm not hurt at all. Any shreds of feelings dissipated and what's left is wisps of confusion. Something i abhor so badly~ guess what happened...no communication. I got home, slept and she came on. I was getting more and more frustrated, more and more scared till this morning, i woke up. Every last feeling gone.i guess i gave up unknowingly... My friend said this well. Don't stay just for the name of being faithful. Since i'm already established as some playboy in school, fine. No way to change that anyways~ my fears came to light. How many failed relationships...i guess i'm really not that good a person to take care of a girl~ i can barely take care of one girl, the one that means the most to me. Right. Since this i figured out what i want probably for the next...5 years? I give up on love, that's for sure. I just want to be like well, myself without having to worry about a partner. I'd still care and try to help as much as i can, but when it comes to me having feelings for someone else...i'll take more discipline on me getting to know that person, and whether it would be worth to continue on. I just need even one person to tell me that they care, but that's already fulfilled. thank god for her that she would be there whenever i was down~ had it not been for her, i'd even given up more but seeing her in school reminds me how she was there encouraging me, making me feel better. Just sadly... I'm not fit to be the one for her.
Pretty messed up now. Touched, yet confused. Honestly, its been awhile since i let my feelings flow...holding them in feels nothing but good. Want the world to leave me alone.
Schoolwork, home. Friends. Passions. Love. Taking its toll on my health... Argh.
I'm sorry im not good enough.
I'm sorry i couldn't make those people stay.
I'm sorry i'm not perfect.
Enough of the emo crap. Gone through it by thinking, have to pull myself out sooner or later. On tuesday...one of my ncc juniors. A sec one. Well..i tickled derrick and he knocked into the kid. The kid actually threatened me by saying "I'll get back at you!" mind you he's half my height. How do you want me to take you seriously??? Haish...too cute~ wahaha.
Just now went out with ali, aaron and desmond. Study session but briefly~ but awesome nevertheless. Joked much, and even could have deep talks with them. I feel gratified that hey...they are there. The people i care for, and there are people who cares too. Too bad...my feelings are numbed already... Many laughs with the clique. And the best of all, i'm starting to have huge appetites again xP starting to grow again!! But being a guy...not everything good happens in my head XP hmm...and at this point where my hormones increase... +.+ crushes are bound to come along. I can feel one coming up...
And also! Much other things but i'm pretty lazy to list~ perhaps one more. I'm starting to learn bboy from ali! Its tough. But hey...i can get it soon. I'm just that determined~ after this, gotta help aaron with his story, and i'd probably sleep around 9 tonight? The tiredness is killing me...
