"Appreciate those that cares for you, because one day you may really be in need of them and they won't be there for you anymore, for all the times you pushed them away. "
Shouldn't someone who truly cares, stay? Even if it's from a distance. Always caring...maybe it's just me. I want to help too much... It's given that i like to see people happy after their storms in life. But i don't want them to be hurt because of me. Where's there's a relation there's bound to be pain. Damn...
Had possibly the deepest talk with Aaron so far. We make a far more amazing team than anyone else xP got about...how our lives were different and yet so much similar. He had many, many deep quotes... I couldn't believe it was him. He pulled me out of my mood...ahh. That again. My moods...always spoiling a beautiful day. For no reason, my mood swings far, that i unconsciously numb myself but Aaron put something across. You might be numbed, but truly you are panicking. Being numb is a scary thing... Where you are simply watching the world in colours and feelings, but are still oblivious to it. Like watch a color film wih no sound eh?He taught me to take a step back and see the world as it is without my emotions... It was much different. What was usually a dark purple and black in my head is suddenly replaced with so many other colors. For all the sad i felt, it's always people like him who put light back in. Grateful as hell for having met him.. He taught me to live life in the most fun way, yet still do the way i want to~ amazing. He says i gave him a life. I say i gave him a wakeup call...
He said about this creature ,named society. People are scolding that talents and geniuses are becoming lesser and lesser, yet what are they doing? Squeezing and killing creativity using colleges and universities by teaching us what, and not how to think.Well, he wanted to take a different path and i admire him for that... Society forces us to model after it's image to be it's slave. Generations after generations, people come and go for society. Not the nice image people had... Just like me. Aspiring. Simple as wanting to change people's impression on guitars...it's not just a strum and a happy guy, but the beauty of playing, and the prestige of emotional music is... Yeah.
I want to let people see that beauty... Hear my emotions in my playing. Get them back up. All that...
Another friend...she was there for me everytime. I really do appreciate it but...honestly, i cannot return her feelings.
It's not that i want it that way...as much as i want to care for her like how she was for me every time i was down. But maybe the thing keeping me back is that...i can see if i really went with her, it would be more troublesome in the way that the coupleship would not last at all. Simply put... I dare not even try. The past was a heavy scar on me already, albeit being so damn fun. Not saying, but childish was...mild. It was selfishness, just like how i was. I watched other guys go all out for their girl, how far they would go to get a girl back. I laughed, but i'm no different...I wanted the other for myself. I could give all the excuses that i was doing it for her, but i wanted myself to be happy. You came along and pulled me up...but i'm scared the same will happen so i never turned back. It's nice to have someone to take care of you, but anybody can do that. It's beautiful to have someone you love, love you back...
i really try too hard for people around me. I don't know how you feel...but can't you tell we're drifting apart? All those words, where did they go? Now it feels...i don't know. I'm feeling more and more lost~ too bad to be me that the emotion that controls me the best is love itself~ you asked that , when i ask you would it be a love story that never ends. I'm guessing... But i'm panicking. This thing had never been in a walk in the park for us. I don't want to see you cry but i don't want to be the one to tell you a lie... I missed when i could text you anytime i wanted. When i could call you whenever i wanted to. Now, confined to such limited time and you're always away, just like how i become too damn busy.
Being attached emotionally...to not let it be a burden is a burden to do. I'm complicated inside. That i emphatise with the mad and bargain with the insane. Maybe after this, i'll try never to fall in love again...
Fell down back on thursday...neck injury and left a hole in my leg :P just the skin...well in three days its half as big so yeah... Im scary fast ^^ left limping for two days? But i'm already running^^
Tired much. Shall go to sleep... Am so mixed now~
