Just that one day i saw her down,when she had just broke up with this guy turned me into a careless fanatic rambling about how i would protect her, how i would let her stand again then slowly go away. My heart always ached when i saw her like that.Didn't expect my boorish heart to get in the way... Soon all i knew was, i was thinking more and more about her... Eating, sleeping, dreaming. She was everywhere in my head...Not the silly crush that kids have on each other, but a deep, quiet feeling. Inexplicably, i tried my hardest to help her up. Quite the bumpy road with lots of obstacles...call it personality clashes, pressure from everywhere,but i guess she did move on. We had became close friends, sometimes she would tell me about her problems and so would i. I took her as a lover, but she saw me only as a friend.It all amounted to a one-sided feeling...from me. I took every chance, but the words would always die in my throat. Cowardice was something i hated yet someone i am... Why...
One fine day, we really quarreled for the first time. The light of my life burned me and left me blinded. I didn't understand a thing, why she was saying and why she needed time apart. Left...crumbled. What was it that i had done wrong? I showered her with all the love i could manage.didn't get why she was soon also, hot and cold. Sometimes the sweetest person on earth, then as if i killed somebody. I couldn't do anything, i tried my best to understand but alas, nothing. She started to dislike me, disgusted with me.All i could do was watch from the side as she soon drifted further and further away from me, closer and closer to another guy. He was able to make her smile, he was able to make her forget the pain and most of her, he could say he loved her,as much as she did for him. What more she was avoiding me over and over...i try to make small talk but she shoots those icy glares at me to back off. A deep welling in my heart brings tears... All these happened right before my very eyes. Pathetically gripping the air, trying to pull the drifted back.
I sent her a text again. Saying i'm sorry for all the pain i caused her, for wasting her time on me. Like every other day. 'Baby.,,i'm sorry for the times you ha to waste tears on me. Waste feelings, and time. I know you are tired and hurting. I know i took you for granted. I know what i did wrong, could you give me a chance to make things right? I dont know...silly me...i have all these sweet feelings for you. They are so strong... I have to say something. I love you babe... I need you. Please dont leave me...'
I couldnt bear to watch her leave...cried so hard every night. Crying and crying... Every morning people ask why my eyes look so puffy, all i say is that i am tired. But really... She replied. 'Leave me, forget me. Someday, someone will be able to give you a miracle.' Simply heartbroken again and again...but this was the last straw. i cannot help it anymore...
How my heart aches now... We were the best of friends and now i am lucky to even be considered her friend.As much as i would have wanted her to be mine, i'd value her happiness over mine...whatever choice she chooses, guess all i can do is smile and give her my encouragement...on my side, i'll keep and rewind those dusty,long-lost moments whenever i feel down, and maybe try to get over that day. Perhaps a wish i would die to have, was just one thing...how she really felt about me when she turned back as she walked away hand in hand with him, her eyes that curious and possibly, remorsed expression.
I don't know about you. But i still love you...just that now i can never have the chance to say it to you anymore. I love you"
