Emotional overflow, thats for sure. Cried like a baby in front of my level and the sec five's, first time i ever did that. Only one thing ran through my mind. I was at the staircase with jx, in the dark for almost 10 minutes.I was supposed to feel relieved, but no. I just kept going down and down, the lowest i've felt. I damned remembered how i lost three important people. My mom, my father and now her. Never let go of so much this way. All i could think of was her. I wanted her back hell as badly. I needed her. The first time i felt that icy hand reach into my heart and twist it, she came to my mind. She mattered. I have never felt so scared of someone exiting my life before. I never felt so...weak and powerless. I was lost as hell...i wish i could say everything i had in my head. I was petrified when i started cry again but this time, the tears were my blood. I swear it was damn scary. Blood dripping out of my eyes. Cried too much? Maybe. Theres blood on me everywhere. You know, its just that feeling you get. All the masks you had,all the shows you put up it just goes, poof. All crumbles down, you just let go all off a sudden. You become who you are deep inside. Well yeah, a hell lot of sorrow and pain came out, that's for sure. Now that 'love tank' is pretty much empty. I'm looking again...I feel like a kid lost in the centre of new york square. i lost people, but i saw who really cared. Who i could really trust now. I gained people as well... I lost ONE person now. At that same instant, i gained EIGHT people i can trust fully.
I can decide on one thing. Without ryan rugdee, i would almost never have woken up. It was my lowest, ever. Comfort, yea yea. People made me smile yes, but somehow, only he could pull me back out.
I just need one more chance. I swear i won't screw it up anymore. I want one more shot...is it that hard?
