MY ANNIVERSARY, the 17th!!!
Expressed by no language yet understood by all. Thats what i aim for all three art types i do...skating, FS guitar and dance. Skating was...plain spirit-lifting. Felt the cool air find its way into my head as i breathed in deep, melting all the tensions and everporating them into nothing. Tired as hell, bloodied blisters, but yes, its worth it. For an art i love, i would go to extreme ends to perfect it. The want to outdo myself, slowly improve as i go along. The passion to improve outdoes the temptation of pain.The time doesn't matter, just how well i can do it after. The ice is simply my icy haven. Somewhere i feel...free. Too bad there's no words i can use to explain this passion for the ice. Next up...to learn figure-skating. Have to perfect my backwards now!
Figured out something after spending time with the group. Realised why i senselessly put myself into so much rubbish... Back then at my weakest, in order to get you i did my very best to seem like i was perfectly fine. Just a charade, a strong front. All i thought of was to get you, and to show you i was strong. But really, i just put the emotions to one side. Its still messy as hell. Supposed to be an open plain, now a plain of wild grass. Need time to clear myself up ,alone. This is the thing i needed to be stronger. Right in front of my eyes and i still searched high and low. Time to really sort out the feelings, and to destroy a few which may be standing in the way. One good example is lust...starting to affect the way i think. Damnit i swear... After i really get the time to interact with myself, sort out the junk inside of me, hopefully i will feel whole again...and the feeling of neediness for someone else will be gone. Supposed to fall in love when i'm ready, not when i'm looking for something to substitute the hole i felt in my heart for like, ever. Perhaps by then, when looking for somebody, it would be out of settling down and looking for a companion~
Just hopefully for me, i wont have that kind of feelings for anyone else anymore. You know...the kind where you always feel like i want to explode, but no there's nowhere or no one to rant to. Will only get better, one day you'll see. By then, you dont see a shell , but really another me. Not changing for the world anymore but only myself. Learn things the hard way, the consequence to my every mistake now... Learnt not to let people see my real feelings now. Where the sin dwells, let the hatchet fall... In this time, i wont let any feelings grow just yet. Until i'm ready...\m/
