Really the worst day i've had in quite a long time, both physically and emotionally. Even after recovery back then, this is actually comparable to back then. Stumbled upon this song, Looking back by Yiruma. So many memories rushed back,thoughts flooded me hard... Just suddenly knocked down again. By what? Some things in the past i was supposed to have let go. I'm supposed to have let go of the pain but tensions still hold there. Regret too many things...i desperately need a new start. A place where i can put everything behind me... So many things i want to say. No, i need to say them. Just ...no more chance left to...
Thought why you were suddenly so cold. Thought i lost my importance to you.
Thought all you saw me was a normal friend.
Lost.
They say, unspoken words kill. Hell yeah, i know i can stand against it. Why only now, i break again like this... Filled with self pity and disgust at myself, how ugly and weak i really am. Envy towards some people...or should i put it as jealousy? People like you could find the thing i was looking for for so long. Maybe he was right...i was looking for something that never existed. All i need now is a breakthrough, somebody's words or just, a change to my feelings. I'm too scared to grow feelings for anyone now... I was never worth the fight for anybody. You deserve someone who can take care of you,motivate you as you go along and not someone who's emotions are just going to be a burden and a born pessimist. Gosh...why tonight? Just cant hold it in any longer...
