12/12/12! Didnt really bother me :P just another day~ went out with jian xun, yikang, glenson and aaron to rugdee's place for mahjong with xuan le and lee zhu to celebrate jx's birthday! Pretty much a fun day :D glenson made me laugh like a kid again in a looooooong time~ has been awhile and yes i could forget everything on my mind. This group of friends, really really glad i have them around!!!
Something jian xun said i agreed to the maxxx ._. the emotions should have been killed and not numbed. Numbing them is just running away from the feelings, and so is killing them~ but i'd honestly feel that i'd rather live everyday being 'heartless', than face the agony of my feelings for someone, because i once cared too much. I'd rather, and would like it that everyday is emotionaly stable and secure where nothing can hurt me(literally nothing) than have these horrendous ups and downs affecting me, affecting my judgement and the way i treat people,triggering things i dont want to ever experience again. Last christmas plays out in my head~ how i had given you my heart and it seems you given it away. Shouldnt be so badly affected by my feelings at all~ was too weak and am still. Angry, and am bloody disgusted with the kind of weakness i hold just to keep people around... And the simple inferiority to the people around me. I know you guys damn good. Still say so loudly then wonder sometimes why i become quiet or dont reply.Everytime i feel down...often to the point people ask "again"? Alright. Shall change who i am from this point on. Not the weak, easy going person anymore...tired of people walking all over me then setting expectations for me to upkeep. Want to see how hard hearted i can get. Turned into someone who almost rejects love now, after the second time i lost someone important. Shall dance the frustrations away...
Too damn annoyed and tired of knowing i cant do anything for your birthday...wish i had somewhere to just scream. Wake up and the feelings gone. What would i do for that~
