They say, hopes are just lies~

Is it that hard, or that impossible ,or even that ridiculous to want someone to fight to be with me? I'm not that good, i get the fact. I'm full of weaknesses, so be it. Just...so damn disappointed. Cant even find the words to put exactly how i feel. Had damn enough with letting people take advantage of me. Called a coward, trampled on just to protect and uphold things important to me, while the other party doesn't give a second thought to it. Swear i've had enough of all this crap. Sure, she said a little more things. Drama? Like seriously? You know whos the person i really want, the person i dare say i love and yet you could tell me that. Get how damn insulting it is to have the most important thing to you stepped all over by that same person? Emotions really just a mix now. But, slowly hardening again. Tired of waiting, tired of trying. Tried so hard to shower you with everything i had within me,but always comes back up empty. Like an idiot, always waiting for something. Got back to myself, realised how long i have not taken care of myself. They say love was supposed to motivate and heal, sure i got healed but the scars are opening back up. I wanted you. But now... I dont know. Am in a horrible mess myself. Can't seem to even form a thought clearly...and more than half the thoughts are not mine anymore. Find the way some people fight for others, including myself, extremely grotesque