Really frustrated...

How good am i actually? What good can i really do? Tonight, i don't know why. Starting to tear up... Feeling messed up for a messed up reason. And why i didnt want to share with you when i asked, i know you're hurt enough. I don't want to be the one hurting you again, yet i have to push you away... Now i'm the one hurting. I've fallen for real... Why. Give people so much advice, motivation yet when it comes to myself, all i can do is crumble. The people i'm dying to talk to, one hates me. One cant hold a deep conversation with me, the other is sleeping and the last, i cant contact her. I dont want to disturb my bros... They're trouble enough. Shall just rant here and get some sleep... Listening to the hardest rock i have, some frustrations put there. Physical trainingc, dance and guitar just help, just a little. Argh.


So much about protecting everyone i care for? Now one is down. Lost her phone, and i cant do a single thing. Know she's going to go through a lot for that. What am i to do?To comfort her? Cant even do the least. Maybe it's me fearing for her, maybe its me who's damn bloody paranoid. But maybe, its me that wants to care too much.

My bro wanted to be a studious rebel. First time hearing this term? Me too. He was stressed that he couldnt even tear a piece of paper infront of a teacher. Ranted and ranted, i could only give advice. Well obviously he took it... But advice was all i could give. No help, nothing.

Another, i know she's been hiding a lot of pain deep down. Don't need her to tell me, she showed me everything from her eyes. Yet i cant do anything because i'm the one causing the pain. Wah...
So many more, yet these three are maybe the among most important friends i have?

I dont know. Emotions in me is always my biggest driving factor, yet when it turns against me...wow. Maybe its better i stay numbed to all these feelings...
What good can i really do for people i care for...someone fricking tell me? I want to help. I want to give. I want to let others rely, not get help, take and rely. I've had it for being reliant on others..

Frustrated.