Angry. Tired. Missing someone...

Come to think of it, aaron was pretty right. This school, no . Maybe all the schools has mindfucked us to become followers instead of leaders. Look, some schools put so much emphasis on teachers being a level higher than students and the dm being untouchable. Familiar? I've yet to see anyone even dare to talk back to the dm in a sharp tone. Screwed up... Its a scary reality. The honest truth and the utmost disgust to teachers who preach that respect is earned and demand for it. All my life i hear, respect is earned. All my life i see, i want respect. That goes to teachers who can get it without asking, those who can put their passion for teaching across without the need for harsh screamings, be it in their own way. Some teachers give a very commanding air, and never have to demand, let alone ask for respect. Some can barely control a class and yet think themselves to be a big shot. Some have the ability to teach but not talk, some are all talk and no substance. People like this, a dimes a dozen out there but would you agree that still the best teachers out that, the rose among the thorns, those that can inspire you with their passion, and their words tell you where to look instead of what to look at. Respect is earned by the deserving, not by the begging.

Coming on to this word rebel. What is it exactly? Society is one ugly fucker that fucked all of us up in the head. A rebel is really someone who is unhappy with unfair and unjust power, and wishes to stand up against it, is it not? Yet society can put such heavy negativity on the word. Again the stupid contradiction. Stand up for what you believe in, then punish the people for doing that. Is it a wonder that more guys are becoming passive nowadays? When people break out of that suppression to express themselves the way they want to, they get judged. For standing up against what i know i did and can do, i was labeled unfilial. The fuck is that? I believe that 6 days of hard work at the very least, grants me a few hours of rest. Seriously, this is all dripping with one thing. You become unhappy that i didnt go the way you plan, you curse and put me down. But this is something most adults would forget. A teen can only be controlled for so long. When his or her independance comes of age, no matter what a parent says, it will be up to the child to respond or not. I daresay i've been through worse than my father. He dares to call me immature, but he never saw the things i saw. Early age depression is more damaging than people can actually imagine. What do they say? Oh suck it up. You'll be fine. Have they ever considered the amount of damage it can do? No excuse to be let off for anything, but that damage can actually cause thinking impairments. Take it for example. Girls might be really insecure about their looks. Ingrained in their heads, to some of them are slim and skinny. Guys go for the pretty faces. Even the frickin television puts so much emphasis on figure that some girls forget a guy wants a pretty heart.
Take me for example. I cannot control my emotions properly, and my thinking has been twisted. But for somethings that i hold dear, i dont give a fuck who you are. I'd defend it. I know its something i done, even if you are the king, i'd fight back. Sorry but you stepped on something important. Fuck you...
This is to the people who take others for granted. They wont be there to help you forever. Watch your words and actions, stop pushing people away...
I learnt to suppress emotions better than most after my disorder last year. Meaning, even if you are my father, i wouldnt hesitate to kill you, physically or emotionally. Yet never for the people i developed this one set of feelings called care, for.

Dont tell me what to think, when i learnt how to think. I'm in my environment longer than you are. Times are changing. Its not as simple as it was in the past. Judgement is next to subconscious. I do judge, maybe the most severely? I could cut a person's pride down to zero and stamp it into the ground. Not that i like to be like this but...all these spines i got from my previous 'breakup' and disorders, impaired me pretty badly. You'll never see the twisted way my mind sees...
Not bad. You managed to get this anger out of me, the one that makes me want to hurt and damage. I dislike conflict...but i wouldnt hesitate to hurt. Razor sharp words are the militia of my arsenal. Press the wrong buttons now...i wish you the best when i play with you. Heh too bad you have a rebel for a son.

One more thing. Who can actually define the thing of having the wrong mindset? All mindsets are correct. A true wrong mindset is a controlled one. If a mind could be controlled and shaped into something another wants it to be, that's pretty disgusting. A weak person, a strong one. Whatever...

Enough of the anger part. Well...it has been 2,3 days since i spoke to you? Since that happened, i dont know...feels as if something big was removed from my daily activities. Missing that someone that would give me the reassurance, the affirmation that someone out there still does care for me. Sucks to be me, i pretty much cannot feel emotions from others. Reassurance is the only thing left feeling so alone. To be honest, i never expected a day where i would really be scared of losing you. Not a good feeling, no good feelings brought back either. But now...i missed you pretty much. Been quite a few tiring days ...i need an emotional refresh. Not some holidays, just that someone who can make me feel good again. Reading back on my old posts... Motivated again but i cannot do that motivation to myself regardless of the tries. Well...haish.