Everything kinda went wrong today. Hell yea the adam khoo was fun and all, but there had to be idiots reminding me of my loss of you. Keep on opening that bloody wound. I could take the pain, no problem but after school, my mood swings kicked in. God it hit hard... Mood was extremely volatile. All it took was a little to irritate and i'll just blow up. All my self control not to explode at ryan goh...
Then the jokers in the group had to spam. How she got heartbroken by this player outside school. That set me off, i scolded her till she cried. Partly because i'm pissed, partly becuase i cannot stand guys not treating their girl properly like how i didnt treat mine when she was still around. I just flared up and yes i nearly broke down right at amk hub. Emotions, have to sharpen my control over them. Hate this disorder of mine... Its not like i want to be this weak. I know one thing for sure, i'm as hell fighting damn bloody hard.
Feeling extremely volatile, guilty and a sense of loss. A horrible mix...until xuan le told me something i said myself. Either enjoy walking in the rain or just get wet. Woke me up... I got out of my senses, starting looking on the bright side of things after awhile. I really am glad to have him around sometimes...
Talked about motivation, how to tranform myself. Well i felt that... And it made me think of so many things. I guess...you're that important. Fun and games, but you never left my mind. Except now, i don't dare to message you anymore. You'll just be cold and put another message into me again. You'll just put me aside... I'm not the important one to you anymore anyway...And yes. I really miss you but no longer in the desperate way. I just miss you around me...just a little more. Still want you back, but i'm the coward this time. I don't dare to approach you...
The reason why i was so weak when you left was, you were the person that i had built my strength around. In your memory i had forced myself to become better, grow stronger. So now when the support is gone, it felt like i'm suddenly crippled. But i learnt to stand, things are looking up for me now...everything's changing for the better for me. Visions after visions, dreams after dreams, premonitiont after premonitions. All say this one thing, my life this year will be perfect.
Argh. Now im feeling even worse and as if im gonna blow up anytime...but on the bright side i have two beautiful things to spend my night with. My guitar and my bed~
"Being a male, is a matter of birth.
Being a man, is a matter of age.
But being a gentlemen,is a matter of choice"
