"Let go! Just let go!" "Hey babe i'm really sorry will you please listen to me?!?"
"That jerk... How dare he cheat behind my back...flirting and hugging that girl!! I'm going to settle with that bastard! "
He sent me home, like ugh the usual. Boring! Our way back was an icy one, of course me ignoring him. He looked so cute trying to get my attention! But no. I'm not letting in. "Babe. Hey its not how you think it is. Let me explain!!Its you i love!" i just ignored him. I had steam coming out of my head... Well at least i was trying to make it seem like i was really still angry with him.
"A million things ran through my head. We stepped of the bus into the cool, dim midnight air. He was behind me...i was storming ahead on the narrow, grey pavement.I wanted to play with him, make him regret what he did... Begging and trying to coax me... He held on to my arm as he lagged behind, pleading with me!He's so adorable doing that!!! But no! I'm supposed to be angry at him! He hugged another girl! How dare-
A painful screech, a stunning flash in my eyes. His strong , warm hands pulled me back, a crack somewhere in my hand, and held me close to his chest . I felt warm and safe...Nothing could hurt me. I wanted to stay here in his arms forever. Then something caught my skirt. A jerk, and i only knew i Felt so light all of a sudden and had this numbed feeling where it...was all airy under me.I spun and fell and rolled disgracefully, my head bumped around and scraped the floor. Everything was a blur of a black mass...lights. Sirens. Nothing.
"Yellow.Is this how heaven looks like? Something spinning focuses in my eyes. A fan...where was i? A familiar comfort...everything cleared. I was alone, in the silence of my bedroom. Where is Ryan? What happened last night... I'm in a guy's clothes... Why is my clothes in such tatters in the corner of my room? What... A pain in my hand rips its way up my arm. OUCH!
Someone dredges in, a face painted with tears. Slowly he looks up..."Ryan is in the hospital. He gave his life to you last night"
'Nothing was clear. I had tears coming, i couldn't exactly remember anything anymore...my head was rammed with emotions. Everyone stares were just bouncing off me. I just wanted to see him. A mad girl screaming down the hallway of the virgin white hospital walls... Out and to the operating theater. Red lights of the word illuminated my whole world at that moment. Hours. Days. Weeks. Yet only a minute had passed really. Hysterical, i couldn't remember a single thing i said or did. I'm just there, crying, feeling weak and so alone in the cruel world. I became this small girl , alone and lost in the middle of a world she never dared to peep into. i was so scared. The icy hand that reached into my soul and twisted it, pulled out the deepest demons inside me and turned me into a mess. She came out. I strained to remain sane.No idea how long had passed...it felt like infinity.A beep. The lights went off"
"An old surgeon came out. He said nothing...only but a glance and walked off. I didn't know what to think, how to think. A nurse came out pulling a trolley...and the body of the boy i loved, covered in the shroud of death. On it a note...a tear and blood splashed note. It was titled, to my dearest May."
"Dear May. I wrote this on the way to the hospital. Damn bumpy ride! I'm losing my senses...I need you to know one thing...that girl you saw was my closest cousin, nothing more. I was trying to tell you so but on the road, i heard and saw this driver lumbering towards us. I didn't think, i pulled you back and made sure you weren't hit. I'm sorry if you were hurt in any way. I failed for not making sure you were okay. I just wanted you to be safe. I told the medic to only give you this if i didn't make it so if you are reading it...i'm sorry i couldn't fulfill my promise to spend forever with you. I'm sorry i can't be the one to stand up for you when you are bullied by other guys. I'm sorry i can't be the one who stays up with you late and does all the silly things with you. I've given you my life. Please take care of it...it will always stay in your heart and support you whenever you need someone...and there's one last thing i need you to know. I love you. Forever"
"The doctor said something about a ruptured heart and a shattered spine. His family was everywhere, grabbing at his shoulders and talking to him.Crying was everywhere, screaming so harshly to call for a dead boy back. Curses to the gods to revive the fallen. But in the end, he's dead. It's all my fault."
"The pain in my hand's gone. All that's left is the spike in my heart. I should never have done that. I'm just in a distant, darkened corner of my room now. A place where i shared hundreds of memories with. I'm just crying, hurting and dazed.I should have just hugged him there and then and tell him how much he meant to me...but its too late. I wish i could tell him , have him hear the three words from me for the last time. But... He's really gone this time. So many times he played to go away, he came back. This time, he's really never coming back. I've yet to tell him goodnight...i've yet to love him, and i've already lost him. Why..."
Sacrifice, is never a loss. It is really something given to someone else. Rare people are willing to give their lives to people around them, in order for them to live. Cherish what you have, or regret what you had when you lose them.
Maybe i'm more than willing to do that for that one girl, but i'm definitely willing to do more than that for the lady who walks the rest of her life with me. Maybe that note was something i was dying to say. Maybe, i might have found the person worth dying for.
"I've wished you the best, now i'll take my time to choose from the rest"
