Day three down. As usual, really tired...physically, mentally and emotionally. Whats my strongest values? Justice,fairness , love, loyalty and family. Willing to sacrifice up to my life in order to uphold all these in my life, to protect them. Suddenly ...the song 'It ends tonight' rings out harder than ever... Attended at talk about the RSAF and the SAF , made me realise a dream, the only one i can see myself in. A dream to be a pilot, or an officer...
The talk made me realise so many things. It made me get how wrong it was a choice to have chosen me from the start. Simply am a waste of your time. I'm going to be a burden sooner or later, and its obvious of one thing. Well-wanted, high expectations. Someone like you should be with somebody who is able to take care of you. You deserve way more than this, and i can't give any of that. Just a piece of trash wasting his life away...
Hurts to say all this. Regrets all time high.
Almost doesn't matter anymore it seems...
I want to damn fight for us to be even possible. But it seems your feelings are gone...? I dont know. I know i love you,the feelings are powerful and real. Tell me clearly, set the line. My emotions are closing up the same way it did years ago... And i might not survive the second time it opens up. Tears now only fall from one eye...a sign in me of numbing.
Really too tired, too weak. I need someone to lean on.
